I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
