I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
