he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
