the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
