I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
