There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They have beer where we have blood.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
