I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
