dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
