Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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