I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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