My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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