finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
