does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to have your abortion
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize