I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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