I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
