oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
