I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
