My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
