everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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