if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
only you would photoshop your dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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