i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize