I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
