So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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