I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
