It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
