At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
