the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
