i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
