turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
