my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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