i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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