Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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