if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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