How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
