im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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