Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
