I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize