That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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