just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
