Non-Jews are for practice
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Congratulations! We have a period
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
