Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
