My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
