Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize