We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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