everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
