I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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