what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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