I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
