bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im holly from the hills drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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