so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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