so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
