I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
