I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
