you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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