True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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