Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
