Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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