apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
