If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
