Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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