i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
