If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize