Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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