I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
