The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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