i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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