So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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