i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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