His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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