the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize