Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
