2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
