remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize