Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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