I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
