saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
